Symptoms of Lunacy

It’s starting to hurt more than ever. When I first found out the news, I felt numb. No kidding, I know it sounds cliche and all, but that’s the only way I can describe it. Which I felt was odd. I remember thinking Hey wait a sec, shouldn ‘t it be hurting more?! But the numbness soon wore away, and all that’s left now is naked unadulterated pain.

It hurts more than I expected. I can’t get her off my mind, and the fact that I have based so much of my life around her, is what hurts most. I can’t believe how dependent I was of her, and now that we’re no longer together, I realise how stupid I was, and how much I’m going to miss her.

That’s the thing, you see. Because I was so dependent on her, everything I do now reminds me of her. I turn on the radio; oh that’s the song we laughed at when we heard it in my car. I think of my parents; the memory of her having dinner with my dad. I can’t even burrow my sorrows in playing the violin, because it reminded me of how I used to play the violin for her. She was the one who urged me to stand up for my dreams and she set my mind into coming a professional violinist. But now that we’re no longer together, what’s the point of having a dream she gave me, when she no longer loves me?

It’s the same with books. All books, movies, TV shows, they all have sappy love scenes which are there to taunt the less fortunate that they have no one to love. It’s pure torture just living.

Each morning, I wake up feeling somewhat alive, until I remember that Ariele is no longer mine. Then the nausea and longing hits. I wallow in self pity all day in the privacy of my bedroom. I’m surprised my dad hasn’t noticed that there is something seriously wrong with me yet.